More than 20 quotes tagged funny

1. “Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women”

   Customer reviews: Bee-Dot-Govern on The Mountain Three Wolf Moon T-shirt, Amazon

2. “Young men: If you attend this crap with friends who admire it, tactfully inform them they are idiots. Young women: If your date likes this movie, tell him you’ve been thinking it over, and you think you should consider spending some time apart.”

   Critics: Roger Ebert on Battle: Los Angeles (2011), Chicago Sun-Times

3. “‘Valentine’s Day’ is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it’s more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date.”

   Critics: Roger Ebert on Valentine’s Day (2010), Chicago Sun-Times

4. “If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.”

   Critics: Roger Ebert on Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), Chicago Sun-Times

5. “I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than ‘The Brown Bunny.'”

   Critics: Roger Ebert on The Brown Bunny (2003), Chicago Sun-Times

6. “I’m curious about who would go to see this movie. Obviously moviegoers with a low opinion of their own taste. It’s so obviously what it is that you would require a positive desire to throw away money in order to lose two hours of your life. ‘Sorority Boys’ will be the worst movie playing in any multiplex in America this weekend, and, yes, I realize ‘Crossroads’ is still out there.”

   Critics: Roger Ebert on Sorority Boys (2002), Chicago Sun-Times

7. “‘Mad Dog’ Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I’ve seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you’re not sure they have a bus line.”

   Critics: Roger Ebert on Mad Dog Time (1996), Chicago Sun-Times

8. “That makes ‘Hellbound: Hellraiser II’ an ideal movie for audiences with little taste and atrophied attention spans who want to glance at the screen occasionally and ascertain that something is still happening up there. If you fit that description, you have probably not read this far, but what the heck, we believe in full-service reviews around here. You’re welcome.”

   Critics: Roger Ebert on Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988), Chicago Sun-Times

9. “This movie could have been made as a soft-core sex film, but it’s too restrained: There are so many palms carefully arranged in front of genital areas, and Brooke Shields’ long hair is so carefully draped to conceal her breasts, that there must have been a whole squad of costumers and set decorators on permanent Erogenous Zone Alert.”

   Critics: Roger Ebert on The Blue Lagoon (1980), Chicago Sun-Times

10. “LGTM ! Only 1M line changed, approved.”

    Code review: Anonymous reviewer on Pull request in an open-source project

11. “Another reason why mincing up code files into little-tiny itsy-bitsy "units" to satisfy some vague abstraction fetish learned in CS101 is a bad idea. :-)”

    Code review: Anonymous reviewer on Patch to an operating system kernel

12. “Or maybe he's talking about ye olde readlocke, used widely for OS research throughout the middle ages. You still find that spelling in some really old CS literature.”

    Code review: Anonymous reviewer on Patch to an operating system kernel

13. “So leave locking to the pro's. They _also_ got it wrong, but they got it wrong several years ago, and fixed up their sh*t.”

    Code review: Anonymous reviewer on Patch to an operating system kernel

14. “there really is *not* a highly coveted prize for having the most different indentation in the fewest possible lines of code!”

    Code review: Anonymous reviewer on Patch to an operating system kernel

15. “NAK NAK NAK NAK! QAK! HAK! Crap code! Stop adding undocumented interfaces. Just stop it. Now. Geeze.”

    Code review: Anonymous reviewer on Patch to an operating system kernel

16. “Finally, it is impossible for the reader to keep track of the hundreds (thousands?) of acronyms in the paper. If there ever is an award for most acronyms in a paper, this one would win it hands down.”

    Peer review: Anonymous reviewer on Manuscript under review

17. “the authors seem to be reinventing the wheel and a flat tire to go along with it.”

    Peer review: Anonymous reviewer on Manuscript under review

18. “The author writes like a drunken after-dinner speaker.”

    Peer review: Anonymous reviewer on Manuscript under review, A journal in the social sciences

19. “Season’s Greetings! I apologise for my slow response but a roast goose prevented me from answering emails for a few days.”

    Peer review: Anonymous reviewer on Manuscript under review, A journal in microbiology

20. “The writing and data presentation are so bad that I had to leave work and go home early and then spend time to wonder what life is about.”

    Peer review: Anonymous reviewer on Manuscript under review, A journal in microbiology

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