“This unearthly garment wasn’t created by man but by the god Zeus himself spun from the fibers of his own chest hair at a 14 million thread count… Just follow these simple steps and you too can holster the power that is THE THREE WOLVES SHIRT.
1) Shirt on.
2) Prowl.
3) Take em back to trailer.
4) Ectasy.
Thank you Zeus.”
Customer reviews: Three Wolf Moon ShirtAnonymous reviewer, Amazon
“And by "garbage" I really mean it. This is stuff that nobody should ever send me, never mind late in a merge window.”
Code review: Pull request to an operating system kernelAnonymous reviewer
“I cannot imagine any physician or scientist who has a job, who will have the time to read this paper.”
Peer review: Manuscript under reviewAnonymous reviewer, A journal in medicine
“We ordered one of these rabbits for our children this Easter and boy what a surprise. It is NOT a living rabbit. Someone has killed this rabbit and skinned it… our children were traumatized … On the upside, we don’t have to fill their Easter baskets anymore as we told them the Easter bunny was killed by Amazon.””
Customer reviews: Fresh Whole RabbitAnonymous reviewer, Amazon
“the authors seem to be reinventing the wheel and a flat tire to go along with it.”
Peer review: Manuscript under reviewAnonymous reviewer
“Reject – More holes than my grandad’s string vest!”
Peer review: Manuscript under reviewAnonymous reviewer, A journal in microbiology
“The lack of negative controls … results in the authors being lost in the funhouse. Unfortunately, I do not think they even realize this.”
Peer review: Manuscript under reviewAnonymous reviewer, A journal in microbiology
“That makes ‘Hellbound: Hellraiser II’ an ideal movie for audiences with little taste and atrophied attention spans who want to glance at the screen occasionally and ascertain that something is still happening up there. If you fit that description, you have probably not read this far, but what the heck, we believe in full-service reviews around here. You’re welcome.”
Critics: Hellbound: Hellraiser II1988Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times
“‘Battlefield Earth’ is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It’s not merely bad; it’s unpleasant in a hostile way.”
Critics: Battlefield Earth2000Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times
“If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.”
Critics: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen2009Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times
“For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well … my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives.”
Customer reviews: Hutzler 571 Banana SlicerSW3K, Amazon
“Sie schildern ein Treffen mit Uwe Johnson. Sie schildern es wunderbar. Das kann keiner besser als Sie. Aber es sind nur fünf Seiten von 781.”
Critics: Ein weites Feld by Günter Grass1995Marcel Reich-Ranicki, Der Spiegel (in German)
“Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women”
Customer reviews: The Mountain Three Wolf Moon T-shirtBee-Dot-Govern, Amazon
“When all the cards are down, all hope lost, all self-dignity robbed barren and not a cent left to pay for one square foot of rent you, the Poseidon of Fast Food Poultry, emerge from the deep-fried depths of the hot sauce ocean atop a five dollar hydra of drumsticks and batter to rescue those who cannot rescue themselves.
Self-loathing thy name is Popeye's Chicken & Biscuits.”
Customer reviews: Popeyes Louisiana KitchenRaphael D., Yelp
“Almost a Reviewer 2 compliment:
There is no suggestion the author/s have used AI in the paper, but the manuscript requires thorough copyediting before publication.”
Peer review: ManuscriptAnonymous reviewer
“First 200 pages:
"I like you, Edward!" "You shouldn't! I'm dangerous!" "But I'm dangerous!"
Next 50 pages:
"I like you, Edward!" "I'm a vampire!" "But I'm a vampire! I'm dangerous!"
Next 100 pages:
"I like you, Edward!" "You smell good, Bella. I'm dangerous!" ""Damn, you smell good." "Also, I glow in sunlight."
Next 50 pages:
A. VAMPIRE. BASEBALL. GAME. (I wish I was kidding)
Last 100 pages:
"Help me, Edward! I'm being chased!"
"I'll save you!"
"Help me, Edward! I'm scared!"
"I'll save you!"
"Oh, Edward!"
"You smell good."”
Customer reviews: Twilight (The Twilight Saga, #1)Joe, Goodreads
“It is decorated in various shades of taupe, biscuit and fuck you. There's a little gilt here and there, to remind us that this is a room designed for people for whom guilt is unfamiliar.”
Critics: Le Cinq, Paris2017Jay Rayner, The Observer
“In the EXTREMELY RARE situation where somebody has two personality traits ("I have glasses AND don't eat hamburgers!" -or- "I play baseball AND football") they are "divergent" (a Latin word meaning "too cool for school").
"But wait," you say. "How do they figure out which frat to join?" I'm glad you asked. Pledge week in Dystopian Chicago consists of a hallucination where you have to choose between a knife and cheese with no other instructions. Then a dog attacks you. If you choose the knife, you are Dauntless. If you choose the cheese, you're not. Isn't that cool? That's all it takes.”
Customer reviews: DivergentAlex Falcone, Amazon
“LGTM ! Only 1M line changed, approved.”
Code review: Pull request in an open-source projectAnonymous reviewer
“So leave locking to the pro's. They _also_ got it wrong, but they got it wrong several years ago, and fixed up their sh*t.”
Code review: Patch to an operating system kernelAnonymous reviewer