“the production feels less “directed” than crisis managed”
Critics: Luke Buckmaster on Cop This, The Guardian
More than 20 quotes in Critics
Clear filters“Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005), Chicago Sun-Times
“Young men: If you attend this crap with friends who admire it, tactfully inform them they are idiots. Young women: If your date likes this movie, tell him you’ve been thinking it over, and you think you should consider spending some time apart.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Battle: Los Angeles (2011), Chicago Sun-Times
“‘Valentine’s Day’ is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it’s more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Valentine’s Day (2010), Chicago Sun-Times
“If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009), Chicago Sun-Times
“I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than ‘The Brown Bunny.'”
Critics: Roger Ebert on The Brown Bunny (2003), Chicago Sun-Times
“I’m curious about who would go to see this movie. Obviously moviegoers with a low opinion of their own taste. It’s so obviously what it is that you would require a positive desire to throw away money in order to lose two hours of your life. ‘Sorority Boys’ will be the worst movie playing in any multiplex in America this weekend, and, yes, I realize ‘Crossroads’ is still out there.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Sorority Boys (2002), Chicago Sun-Times
“This movie doesn’t scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn’t the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn’t below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn’t deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels….The film is a vomitorium consisting of 93 minutes of Tom Green doing things that a geek in a carnival sideshow would turn down.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Freddy Got Fingered (2001), Chicago Sun-Times
“‘Battlefield Earth’ is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It’s not merely bad; it’s unpleasant in a hostile way.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Battlefield Earth (2000), Chicago Sun-Times
“‘Mad Dog’ Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time. Oh, I’ve seen bad movies before. But they usually made me care about how bad they were. Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you’re not sure they have a bus line.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Mad Dog Time (1996), Chicago Sun-Times
“I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on North (1994), Chicago Sun-Times
“Many films are bad. Only a few declare themselves the work of people deficient in taste, judgment, reason, tact, morality, and common sense. Was there no one connected with this project who read the screenplay, considered the story, evaluated the proposed film and vomited?”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Last Rites (1988), Chicago Sun-Times
“That makes ‘Hellbound: Hellraiser II’ an ideal movie for audiences with little taste and atrophied attention spans who want to glance at the screen occasionally and ascertain that something is still happening up there. If you fit that description, you have probably not read this far, but what the heck, we believe in full-service reviews around here. You’re welcome.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988), Chicago Sun-Times
“This movie could have been made as a soft-core sex film, but it’s too restrained: There are so many palms carefully arranged in front of genital areas, and Brooke Shields’ long hair is so carefully draped to conceal her breasts, that there must have been a whole squad of costumers and set decorators on permanent Erogenous Zone Alert.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on The Blue Lagoon (1980), Chicago Sun-Times
“‘Caligula’ is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful: People with talent allowed themselves to participate in this travesty. Disgusted and unspeakably depressed, I walked out of the film after two hours of its 170-minute length.”
Critics: Roger Ebert on Caligula (1979), Chicago Sun-Times
“Tonstant Weader fwowed up.”
Critics: Dorothy Parker on The House at Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne (1928), The New Yorker
“Cats is the biggest disaster of the decade, and possibly thus far in the millennium. It's Battlefield Earth with whiskers.”
Critics: Adam Graham on Cats (2019), The Detroit News
“Sie schildern ein Treffen mit Uwe Johnson. Sie schildern es wunderbar. Das kann keiner besser als Sie. Aber es sind nur fünf Seiten von 781.”
Critics: Marcel Reich-Ranicki on Ein weites Feld by Günter Grass (1995), Der Spiegel (in German)
“It's terrible, though in such a bizarre way, unique even, that it might have prospects as a cult book, or at any rate an enduring curiosity. But I wouldn't bet on it.”
Critics: Owen Richardson on List of the Lost by Morrissey (2015), The Sydney Morning Herald
“It probably isn't possible for a single movie to reverse all social progress made since the civil-rights era, but Norbit, the latest broadside from Eddie Murphy, does its best to turn back the clock.”
Critics: Scott Tobias on Norbit (2007), The A.V. Club