“When all the cards are down, all hope lost, all self-dignity robbed barren and not a cent left to pay for one square foot of rent you, the Poseidon of Fast Food Poultry, emerge from the deep-fried depths of the hot sauce ocean atop a five dollar hydra of drumsticks and batter to rescue those who cannot rescue themselves. Self-loathing thy name is Popeye's Chicken & Biscuits.”

“It is day 87 and the horses have accepted me as one of their own. I have grown to understand and respect their gentle ways. Now I question everything I thought I once knew and fear I am no longer capable of following through with my primary objective. I know that those who sent me will not relent. They will send others in my place… But we will be ready”

“This unearthly garment wasn’t created by man but by the god Zeus himself spun from the fibers of his own chest hair at a 14 million thread count… Just follow these simple steps and you too can holster the power that is THE THREE WOLVES SHIRT. 1) Shirt on. 2) Prowl. 3) Take em back to trailer. 4) Ectasy. Thank you Zeus.”

“We ordered one of these rabbits for our children this Easter and boy what a surprise. It is NOT a living rabbit. Someone has killed this rabbit and skinned it… our children were traumatized … On the upside, we don’t have to fill their Easter baskets anymore as we told them the Easter bunny was killed by Amazon.””